You were here just a few days ago and now you are gone. Just like that. My life is suddenly different from two different angles. In the past few months, I have seen the claws of Alzheimer’s Disease tear away the mind of a loved one. Though he is there, he is gone. Sometimes I see a glimmer. And that makes the reality more evident that most of the time, he is not with us anymore.
My grandson left yesterday, too. He is now serving his country. He was excited to take on this mission. We are proud, but he is gone from us for a while. And so loneliness seems to be pulling me from two different directions.
Gone for now are the smiles, the voice, the hugs, the silliness, the laughter, the fun. And in its place, there is loneliness. Emptiness. Quiet.
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How do we make it through these days, and even longer nights? We look at the pictures over and over. There he is. I remember the time when we… We talk with each other. We hang on. And in the midst of all of this, we grasp for our faith. We know that in our weakness, God makes us strong. We pull ourselves up, one small inch at a time, and move forward. There will be a time for connection again. I will see my grandson soon. He will bring his smiling face back for a visit, and another, and another. We will have the hugs, the laughter, the silliness, and the love, in our presence once again. Our hearts will be full.
My loved one with Alzheimer’s will be present again because when he leaves this earth, he will be waiting for his family in heaven. We will have the laughter and hugs again someday. And our hearts will be full.
Until that time of reconnection, I will remember that my plans are not my own. I cannot see the plans God has, but I know He has them. I cannot know the next steps in my life, but there will be steps. And I will not be walking alone.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and hope Jeremiah 29:11
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